Science tells us that opposites attract. This is true energetically and often true of relationships, but as in science, the principle only applies to the energy we bring to the relationship, and that energy needs to be balanced for harmony to exist. Whether we are looking at electricity or human relationships, too much of anything really isn’t good.
Energetically, some of us are extroverts and some introverts. Some like to talk and some like to listen. Some are bold and some are cautious. Some are serious and some are playful. When an extroverted talker pairs up with an introverted listener, for example, it can be a match made in heaven if the amount of talking one partner does is balanced with the amount of listening the other is willing to give. If the talker talks more than the listener can tolerate, or if the listener doesn’t talk enough, there will be trouble in paradise.
There is another principle in nature where just the opposite is true, one that applies to physical properties and to relationships as well. In this instance, opposites actually repel. Humans, being complex physical beings, as well as energetic ones, are subject to this second principle too. Examples of this principle can be found in substances such as oil and water. Everyone knows oil and water don’t mix. Neither do a lot of the beliefs, values, attitudes and opinions people hold.
Where opposites may attract energetically, on a substantial level, likeness is what attracts. Just as water soluble substances mix readily with water and oil soluble substances with oil, the beliefs, values, attitudes and opinions people hold must be similar for the relationship to be compatible.
Have you ever heard someone refer to an incompatible couple as “polar opposites?” More often than not, what makes a couple “polar opposites” is their beliefs, values, attitudes and/or opinions, not their energetic makeup unless one is too extreme.
It is not uncommon to see bold types, who want to lead, paired with reserved types, who are happy to follow. Where the friction comes in for these couples is not in the way they approach life energetically, but in the way they think about life.
Energetically, opposite poles are attracted to one another because they are two halves of a whole. Energy must have an active (positive) charge and a receptive (negative) charge to express. A well-balanced relationship is like two sides of a coin. The two may look and express differently, but they feel they are part of the same unit; the two together feel whole.
At a human level, complete opposites never bond. Bonding can only occur when two of like mind unite; when they are attuned to one another and energetically balanced and when when they share similar beliefs, values, attitudes and opinions. When relationships are not working, the first place to explore and work on is beliefs, values, attitudes and opinions.
Many people in troubled relationships focus on the energetic aspects of their relationship – “He’s too predictable and boring.” “She’s too unpredictable and excitable.” These energetic differences can actually complement one another if beliefs, values, attitudes and opinions are aligned. The one who seeks excitement and novelty can lead the staid one into fun situations he or she may never have experienced, for example. The staid one can help keep the excitable one more grounded and focused. When energetic difference are appreciated, they tend to find the perfect balance on their own.
Healthy beliefs? No one is all right or all wrong. Everyone is lovable if we are looking at the right aspects of them, and everyone is worthy of love and consideration. (Consideration and respect are not the same thing. Respect needs to be earned. Consideration is not dependent on the other person’s actions, but on our own willingness to be kind.)
Healthy values? Honesty, integrity, kindness, and consideration.
Healthy Attitude? I value and respect myself and others, and I will take the time to know what’s important, to me and to the people I choose to associate with, and work toward the highest good for all.
Healthy opinions? I deserve consideration and so do you. I won’t allow others to impose on me and I will not be guilty of imposing on you. I choose not to be a part of the problem, but part of the solution and that’s the way I choose to relate to others.